Guy Cops To Cheating On Fiancé With Cousin On Jerry Springer
Gather 'round, children, and let me tell you the greatest love story of our time.
When Billy met his fiancée Mackenzy, he knew he wanted to marry her; four months into their relationship he proposed and the couple quickly fell pregnant with their first child.
But, despite FOUR ATTEMPTS, things kept getting in the way of the young lovers' marital plans.
"The first time we go to the courthouse to get our marriage license but nobody could sign the paper for us to make it official," he explained on Jerry Springer. (Yes, really, the show is still going strong 25 years later.)
"They then say we have to go to the Mayor's office and the guy there who was supposed to do it was out on leave because he had broken his wrist."
Billy and Mackenzy tried the next town's courthouse to no avail before ringing around the friends and family looking for a preacher to join them in holy matrimony.
When the preacher didn't turn up, though, Billy took it "as a sign that maybe now is not the time for this."
So he did what anyone in the situation would do, and had sex with his cousin.
"I was at Sam's Club one day and I run into my cousin and we're talking about my problems and I told her my marriage has not worked out," Billy admitted to the entire world. "I started feeling insecure and she is trying to boost my confidence and we're trying out sample foods."
Ah, the great aphrodisiac that is sample foods.
"We start flirting. One minute we're feeding each other sample food and the next minute we're having sex in the car."
Jerry then steps in to do the reponsible thing and brings out poor, unsuspecting Mackenzy, who is then hit with the news that the father of her newborn child has been getting hot and heavy with his relative in a restaurant car park.
Understandably she freaks the f*ck out, screaming: "How the hell could you do that? You were the one who told me to stop taking birth control. And that's your cousin!"
But the best part? Cousin Hunter's defence - that she "grew up with Billy and used to take showers with him."
Catfights ensue, punches are thrown and we are left with our favourite Springer story of all time.