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R18: These Awkward AF Sex Stories Will Make You Squirm

Sex is a wonderful thing, right?

But getting so intimate with another human doesn't always have the best consequences. 

If you've ever had an awkward moment during sex, then times it by 10 and you'll get to the level of these stories.

Metro.co.uk asked men and women for their 'wild' sex stories, which we'd more define as HORROR stories:

UNEXPECTED 'SQUIRT'

‘I once was giving a lass oral and was using my fingers quite rigorously that I was sure she had squirted. She told me not to stop, so I kept going and it felt like she squirted some more.

‘When I eventually stopped, I lightly pressed the bed sheet expecting to feel wetness. I felt something alright, as it wasn’t her orgasmic juice, but instead was her poo. She got that excited she literally shit herself and the bed.

‘You’ve never seen a lass get up so quickly and remove the sheets so hastily to the bathroom.

‘I was not embarrassed or put off in the slightest. I figured maybe I just did something right for her to get that excited.’

via GIPHY

NO LUBE? NO PROBLEM!

‘So basically there was this guy I really liked. He had a small gathering at his house where we all got super drunk and ended up naked in his hot tub.

'We kept kissing and I was sitting on his lap and he asked me to stay over, so of course I was over the moon and said yes… it was kind of clear where the night was going to go.

‘One thing lead to another and we ended up in his bed. We both got naked until I said “have you got a condom?” because I wasn’t on the pill. He didn’t and we both sat there until he suggested anal.

‘I was drunk, in lust and thought YOLO. Only problem was, we had no lube. But don’t worry – because he had a solution! ‘A trick he used with “all the girls”… olive oil. This guy seriously poured his mum’s olive oil over my asshole and then had anal sex with me.

‘Oh, and I have it in good faith that his mum used the same olive oil for her dinner the next day.’

BEST BLOWJOB EVER

‘I threw up on a guy while giving him a blowjob.’

OUUUUCH

‘I had my dick cut open mid-sex during a handjob, because she forgot to take her ring off.’

FAKE AF

‘I was once having sex and it wasn’t that great, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad. And so, I made extra noise, probably a lot louder than I do when sex is actually good – but because I’m not usually aware of how I sound I didn’t really know how ‘extra’ I was being.

‘Anyway, we were doing missionary and I was making way too much noise for that position – and he stopped and called me out for faking it, and said I sounded like a porn star. Even he knew it wasn’t that good.

‘I was caught so off-guard that I didn’t even deny it, and felt super awkward. It’s safe to say we stopped and didn’t have sex again after that.’

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