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This Is Who Shorten Would Cast As Dutton In A Telemovie

It was almost as Bill Shorten was doing a late-night 5-minute spot at Fringe on Thursday morning when he dropped in to 96FM for a chat with Paul & Lise.

The Labor leader had been campaigning in Perth for the past couple of days and, like a lot of dads this weekend, was clearly gagging to tell that one particular anecdote.

So, here it is.

"Literally I had a lady tell me the other day," he began.

"Her daughter works in the intensive care in Melbourne in one of the hospitals and, apparently, they would always ask people who had been concussed a question,

"One of the questions is 'name Australia’s prime minister'

"Yeah, they’ve stopped doing that."


The riffing continued with a round of 'In Bed With Paul & Lise', where some of his answers were devastatingly cutting.

Boxers or briefs?

"Ugh, too early in the morning, people have to get to work"

What is your worst habit?

"Ugh, sometimes I overcommit," Shorten said.

"If someone says, ‘we need you to do this’, oh that’s good, someone says ‘you need to do that’, you say yep, and then you know, my office comes to me and says, ‘do you really say to eight different people you can be in eight different places?"

What’s your wife’s most annoying habit?

"She doesn’t have any."

In a telemovie about the #LibSpill, who would you choose to play Peter Dutton?

"They say he has a humorous side, I haven’t seen it,” Shorten said. “I dunno, Voldemort?"

Given the choice of Peter Dutton, Barnaby Joyce or Derryn Hinch, who would you prefer to sit next to on a 17-hour flight?

"Oh my Lord," he said. "Uhh, BJ, I’ll go for Barnaby… process of elimination."

Have you come up with a slogan or catchphrase for the next Federal Election?

“Stop the au pairs”

Who has the most embarrassing taste in music in the Labor Party?

“Oh, umm, Tony Burke,” Shorten said before laughing, “nah, he doesn’t, but that answer will kill him because he’s quite a muso… so, only joking Tony.”

“My kids would probably say I have the most embarrassing taste in music… the ‘80s was the finest decade of music.”

If you were in a UFC octagon with Scott Morrison, who would win?

“Me,” he said. “Because his team will tear him down before he even gets there… no point getting emotionally close to Liberal prime ministers.”


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